We’ll spend eternity learning the ‘why’ behind stuff here on earth. Unlimited time with an all-knowing God, curious people like me would wear Him out, if He could be worn out….which He can’t.
Like so many things, marriage brings the best and the worst. The ‘thrill of victory’ and ‘the agony of defeat’. Gary Thomas says “Marriage is the full-length mirror we see our selfishness in.” That’s not easy to swallow but it’s probably true. I began researching some other blogs to see how others felt on this subject and one caught my eye. The “Happy Wife Pledge” has been the most commented on and controversial blog to date over this subject of “Why Marriage?” The specific pledge that makes peoples’ teeth itch is about sex. Here’s what it says…. “I will stop talking about sex. I will make no other comments, jokes, side comments, or criticisms about the frequency, quality, or any other dimension of our sex life. I will love her and we will enjoy sex only when she is clearly in favor of it. I will put her first, be grateful for what comes my way, and be content.” Guys hate this because it takes away their power. Girls hate this because it makes them feel guilty.
I saw where someone read a marriage book that said the person who has the least desire has the most control. I believe that’ll hold up as true. When both people are ready, there’s little friction. But the one that’s hesitant gains the power to turn the yellow light to either green or red. That’s real power. For the ‘least desire’ person, it’s easy to feel guilty. Assuming it’s the wife (since statistics show women have a lesser appetite for sex), she’s trapped in the tension of wanting to please her husband & give him what he wants vs. being true to herself and not doing something she doesn’t want to do right now. Refuse… he’ll get mad, pout and be mean. Acquiesce….he’ll be o.k. But you’ll feel like you ‘did your duty’…like you were ‘used’. For the ‘most desire’ person (that’d usually be the guy), he wants it. He needs it. He’s after it. He’ll be nice, wash the kids, do chores, even sit and watch TV shows he’s not interested in. But there’s an agenda. He knows it and she knows it. If she ‘delivers’, he’s happy (for a few days). If she doesn’t, he’s disappointed. Anxious. Even angry.
The reason for marriage (beyond procreation), at least one way God uses it, is to help us become less selfish. To put the needs of our wives and husbands above our own. To be like Jesus to the person we love the most. For a husband to take away his open, outward demand for sex requires selflessness. For a wife to initiate sex as a gift to her husband takes selflessness. And selflessness is close to Godliness. It’s totally Jesus. And did you notice…Jesus didn’t marry. He didn’t need to become more selfless. He was totally ‘there’ without it. Marriage is the mechanism where we can work on being selfless to the max. The more selfless we are, the better things go. When things start rubbing together, I think it’s safe to say one, or both of you, have slipped into selfish mode.
Made To Disciple 